A Monkey and A Herd of Sheep

November 8, 2011 | Rants | by Chimpanzee 1 comment

So I went to the Feast Prayers a couple of days ago, since I’m a Muslim and everything (who will disagree on this would be those who think the word Liberal comes from Infidel in Latin). Anyway, on the way to the Mosque I see those oldish posters of “El Noor” Sectarian Party, as if to say they were always there, when I know yesterday they weren’t.

I get there to be welcomed with a fake smile from numerous bearded fellows (90% of them were fat if that makes a difference), and “Arabian” greetings with slang and gestures, made me nervous as for a second I thought I’m in Saudi Arabia without my passport.

As they gave out little toys to children (may be the kids will look back at this and give them their votes), came by a man with his son and daughter, only to be greeted by one toy for the boy, and told to leave his fucking daughter at the women’s section … my brain froze of lack of commentary!

Being one of the few young “unbearded” guys (and as no one dared say shit to an old guy), I put my hood on and sat in the little crowd listening to the pre-prayer chants, and thinking how simpler things were, without having “Abu” breathing on your neck.

It was prayers time, performed quick, and now it was time for the little lecture afterwards. As the young Imam made his introductions, you could see and hear people hassling to reach their shoes and flip-flops to get the hell out of there. Some wanted to catch a butcher, some wanted to sleep, many though didn’t wanna hear anything about Politics on a day of Feast (which they knew was inevitable).

The Imam started off telling some stories about how women sacrificed (the mother of Moses, and Hagar the mother of Ishmael) and some naive listeners stopped in their tracks to listen, I was one of the few who knew these stories was a window to the main subject of the lecture … and I was right, from the stories he went on to a woman’s role in Islam, and then dropped politics on us like it’s hot, like they know it!

It was weird to see one of those green screens behind the Imam and a rolling camera in front of him. I was like: isn’t this green screen used for movies like 300? but then I thought: of course he needs to edit this video with some cheesy background, annoying humming of men for a soundtrack, and echoing his voice … classic!

“Islam is coming, Islam is coming” he yelled, as if we were some Amazon Tribe who were never Muslims and never heard of Islam. My monkey self lit a cigarette and hopped trees looking back at a herd of white sheep with black fur on their faces, nodding their heads, not much in agreement or understanding than in acknowledgement that the lecture went according to rehearsal word for word.

Don’t get the idea that the event was a success!